...Like a Flower
The following interchange with a reader tells a story. Read it and
observe a Five opening
up....
Dear Mary: Thank you
for the great service you provide to those seeking more knowledge. I'm a
Five, and lead a pretty full life doing social work,
but I'm 50 and have never been in love with anyone. Looking at myself objectively, it
seems a tiny bit sad, but not enough to do anything concrete about it. I hate the idea of
sifting through many people, and maybe some will be compatible. It wears me out just
thinking about listening to all those people, so I convince myself it's better to be
alone, unless someone compatible just happens to cross my path. Will anyone else see this
note?
Dear Reader: I
understand how satisfying life can be when work is interesting. However, you do imply that
a relationship might be worthwhile ("I convince myself it's better to
be alone"), if you could find one without "sifting," or perhaps if
listening were not so exhausting to you. You asked, "Will anyone else see this
note?" Not if you don't want them to. I'm reading a fascinating novel by Irvin Yalom,
When Nietzsche Wept.
I believe Neitzsche as described by Yalom was a Five. Perhaps if you read Yalom's book you might
find something interesting that applies to you.
Dear Mary: Thank you for recommending the book; I'll read it...
I thought a secretary or helper might respond & only on a public web page. I even tear
up my journals promptly because I can't bear the thought that someone might read my
innermost thoughts, so yes, I'd like my notes to be private. I interact with so many
people each day, my time alone is pretty much a gift. I believe I would interact well
with anyone who knows the Enneagram and is healthy in whatever style they happen to be, but
I don't know a soul who has done more than read one book about it or just glanced at the
subject. Your articles are uplifting, enlightening and on the mark. Are there any
Enneagram students in my area? Thank you immensely for your time.
Dear Reader: I'm sending you information about the closest
chapter of the International Enneagram Association (IEA). There's a page at the
IEA web site with news about regional chapters which may be a source of information
for you. I recommend joining the IEA if you haven't already. Even if you're not a
"joiner" it's a way to gather useful information.
Also, I hope you'll attend the annual Enneagram conference. By the way, I give my time freely, and not totally without self-interest.
Often these inquiries lead to an article, which supports my writing. Even when someone
like you asks that nothing be published, I always learn something from the interaction; so
this interaction is a resource for me, too. For example, in thinking about how to respond to you, and
re-reading When Nietzsche Wept in that light, I noticed Nietzsche as
described by Yalom is very sensitive to weather changes, and very sensitive to touch. Both
of these were true of my Five husband (now deceased). This led me to remember a
wonderful book (and tape), Oliver Sacks' An Anthropologist on Mars. One of his stories is about Temple Grandin, an adult woman with autism
who created a sling to comfort and carry cattle. She then got the idea to create her own
"squeeze machine" because from
early childhood she longed to be touched but couldn't tolerate it. She lies in her sling
daily, with controls that allow her to create as much or as little pressure as she
wishes. A wonderful metaphor for a Five.
Dear Mary: If others can learn from anything I might share, feel free
to go ahead and publish any of my comments. I'm evolving and I know one of the
greatest things we can do is share with one another. I trust you completely and will
make every effort to attend the conference. Thanks for all your information; know that I
will use it. About the touch issue. I love being held and always longed for that as a
child, but being from a large family, my parents didn't have a lot of individual time for
me, though we each felt completely loved by them and by each other. My relationships seem
to be those in which I give much of myself, but only about 3 or 4 people are capable of
giving to me in the manner I prefer to receive. A therapist held me perfectly only
about 3 times over a period of about a year and a half, and that memory sustains me
anytime I need to be reminded of what it might be like if our creator could be here in
person to allow me to feel his/her love and my connection to what we are other than just
being a part of this world. I'm hugged often by children and friends, but I can never
bring myself to ask anyone to hold me. If there is anything you ever want to ask me,
feel free; and you may use it in any way you deem beneficial. I've seen the benefits of
your sharing.
