In
Emotions and the Enneagram,
Margaret Frings Keyes defines
projection as
"denying a particular feeling in ourselves and sensing it as coming from the other
person." She assures us "the same unconscious which generated the
projections also strives to correct them" and describes that process:
Projection:
When we believe what we believe is so.
Doubt Denied: Some information doesn't quite fit, but
"louder and wronger," we insist it is so.
Recognition:
"Small and ugly" self-blame for wrong
perception.
Empathy:
We can see the other's point of view.
Assimilation: We shift to include the complexity of feeling two
ways about something/ someone.
According
to John and Joyce Weir (self-differentiation), though we typically act as if
there's a truth in the world around us, in fact, we
create
that world based on the meaning we give it.
In Enneagram terms, that meaning
automatically shows up through the dynamics of our particular style. There's a
constant
stream of neutral input, but we select from that input based on our unique
biases, forming perceptions that constantly reinforce our beliefs,
even though
they keep us in ruts of our own making.
This
process is mostly unconscious, but we can bring it to consciousness by:
-
assuming there's no objective world out there, only the projection of
our own perceptions,
-
recognizing that as adults we keep recreating the beliefs we were conditioned to as
children, and
-
taking complete responsibility for how
we behave (accepting that we can't change
other people, nor can we take responsibility for how they choose to behave).
As
an experiment, take a look at your language and do the following:
Take
responsibility for your projections by
internalizing
them through language (say these first to yourself as you learn to "try them
on"):
-
Instead
of saying or thinking, "It gave me
a headache when my boss
made me so mad," say "I gave myself a headache when
I
made myself so mad over what my boss said."
-
Instead
of saying or thinking, "Sally can't be trusted," say "There's a part of
me
that's like Sally and that
I
choose not to trust"
or "The Sally in me can't be trusted"
Take
personal
ownership of your language:
-
Say "I" or "me" instead of "it", "one", "you", or "we".
-
For example, instead of "One
should be careful," say "I should be careful."
Explicitly
distinguish feelings from thoughts:
-
For
example, instead of saying "I
think I'm scared," say
"I feel scared." Even if you don't experience
the feeling right away, you're giving your unconscious the message to let you feel what you
feel.
-
On
the other hand, be explicit about your
thoughts. For
example, instead of saying "I
feel my boss is
unfair," say "I
think
my boss is
unfair." This brings you in touch with the beliefs that drive your behavior.
