Out of
the Box Coaching and
Breakthroughs with the Enneagram,
Mary R. Bast, Ph.D.
Copyright © 1999. All rights reserved. Revised:
October 05, 2008
Case Description: Style Eight
Buddy Halstrom (not his real name) called and said, "I need someone to come and teach my people how to stand up to me." I guessed he might be an Eight.
At our first meeting I learned he was an entrepreneur and owner of a rapidly growing service business, and he'd just gotten backing for a manufacturing venture that required all his personal attention. Two key executives were threatening to quit because they felt he was too aggressive, controlling, and intimidating. (Not a particularly big man, Buddy could fill a room when people did things contrary to his expectations.)
Consequently, when he challenged them to own up to problems, his subordinates tended to beat around the bush -- the very behavior that was most counterproductive: he wanted them to "tell it like it is!"
Buddy didn't realize how much his own behavior drew the response he disliked. Because he pushed and challenged his team, he unwittingly invited them to "waffle" (most of us are at least a little uncomfortable in a confrontation with our boss, and Eights seem to invoke authority issues in just about everyone -- in other words, our response is sometimes stronger than the Eight's behavior fairly warrants).
His subordinates did benefit from learning to be more assertive (and were surprised to find Buddy approved, as long as they showed respect and didn't become aggressive). But that took a while. So the first thing I recommended to Buddy was to hand out filled water pistols at his staff meeting the next morning and invite people to "shoot" him if he began to steam-roll them. The water pistols were symbolic of empowering his team members to defend themselves against him, but in a playful way that also gave Buddy badly needed feedback -- otherwise he could slip into overdrive without even realizing it. So if you're an Eight, be creative, be playful, use metaphor to help yourself and others change.
Buddy became quite special to me over the years and very much an individual, not a "personality type." But that first day I had to rely on some guess-work about his Enneagram style. When he met me at the airport one of the first things he said was, "Now, I don't want you giving me any bullshit" (further confirming the likelihood that he was an Eight). So as we were driving back at the end of the day he asked me what I'd learned from interviews with his staff. Dropping all attempts to be "nice" I said, "Well, Buddy, as one person summed up very well, they shrivel up like raisins in your presence." He loved it! (I wouldn't recommend this approach to feedback with any other style, especially a One...)
During the years of our work together Buddy helped develop his own paradoxical intervention by creating the phrase, "I'm in control of not being in control." Then he called me one time to tell me how annoyed he was by a big man who stepped in front of an airport line waiting for a flight that had been delayed. Mentally repeating his paradoxical mantra, Buddy stepped up to this guy and said, "Excuse me, Sir, you probably didn't realize that a number of us were already in line here." "F--- off!" was the guy's reply.
Any Eights out there reading this? What would you be likely to do at this point? Well, Buddy didn't. He let it go and was feeling very proud of himself (and was congratulated by the other passengers for representing them and for backing off) -- until he deplaned at his destination and this guy walked up and began to badger him.
Buddy kept repeating his mantra until the guy grabbed something on letterhead from his briefcase and threatened to stalk him. At this point they were at the bottom of an escalator. "I don't know what happened," mused Buddy, "but the next thing I know we're at the top of the escalator and I'm on top of him with my knee in his chest and my hands around his throat, and everybody's calling for the cops!"
Sometimes we get tested in our desire for transformation.
Head to Head: Two Eights Together
Gathering Courage: Eights in Transformation
Much more in Out of the Box Coaching Book
(Click here for free preview of Eight chapter)