The Ball's
in My Court
Imagine this:
You have a new client who says, “Well, uh, I’m older than I was
ten years ago (laughs) and I used to be a pretty – if not
vigorous – regular exerciser. I’ve gained some weight in the
past year and I’m looking at healthy eating, but also realizing
it would be healthy for me to establish exercise as a regular
part of my day. And, I find I’ve been kind of lazy. I don’t have
a jump-start in the morning and even if I plan it on my
calendar, somehow it’s more interesting to get on the computer
and look up today’s poem or something. And I feel the
difference. I tend to feel sluggish, like I’m carrying around
too much weight – I don’t mean literally, whether I lose weight
or not I just feel kind of heavy. But for some reason I haven’t
been able to access that level of motivation I had up until five
or ten years ago. And part of it is that my image is changing. I
used to be very image-conscious physically and I’ve allowed
myself to let go of that, which I think is healthy. I’m not, you
know, dressing to please anybody else. But somehow, along with
the healthy, psychological comfort with myself, I lost some of
the drive that went with keeping up the physical image.”
Hearing this,
you suspect she's an Enneagram Nine
with a 1-to-1
subtype. Go
back and re-read the above first paragraph, considering her
Enneagram style and subtype. Now, what questions might you ask
that would create a coaching opportunity to address her needs?
What do you know about Nines? About intimate subtypes? About
healthy exercise habits? What do you see as possibilities for
action? How might you help her discover her own resources? What
task assignments might you give her to help break her habitual
patterns? What’s a good metaphor that would parallel her
situation and carry an embedded solution? How many sessions do
you think it might take for her to establish and maintain a
regular routine? Given your Enneagram style, how can you make
sure your style isn’t getting in the way? Do you have experience
you can draw from, or do you need to do some research to make
sure you’re being the best coach for her you can be?
Are you now
solidly in your left brain? Feeling a little pinched? Thinking
you’d rather be in Antigua? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you
could be so present with clients, you wouldn’t – metaphorically
– have to lift a finger; no longer needing your cognitive
knowledge about how to change exercise patterns, or even about
how to change patterns in general? And wouldn’t it be wonderful
if the client experienced a transformational change anyway,
maybe in one session?
What if –
instead of your usual probing after the client’s initial
comments – you ask “And what would you like to have happen?”
and, from this point on, insert nothing more of yourself into
the dialogue? What if you listen deeply, replying with the
client’s precise words and asking questions such as: “And that’s
[detail] like what?” “And what kind of [detail] is that
[detail]?” “And is there anything else about [detail]?” “And
whereabouts is [detail]?” “And when [x], what happens to [y]?”
And wouldn’t
it be wonderful if, in response, this client creates her own
metaphorical landscape of a Tuscan village where her “house of
life” is like a paint-by-number that’s not yet fully colored in,
and there’s a good witch with a hooked nose and a wart on her
chin who says “Damn! I’ve been waiting for you,” and the client
wants the sky to be clear of noise and pollution and human-made
mechanical things, and the only dark spot in the landscape is a
pocket in the upper left corner that has toxic waste, and a
gardener appears who cleans the waste and gives her a cloth to
wipe her hands, which then sparkle and allow her to sweep paint
with her left hand across the landscape to complete the picture
and clean away the pocket of toxic waste, and there’s a light
from beyond the upper left corner that’s a source she can trust,
and there’s a dog that wakes up happily anticipating jumping out
the doggy door to play and chase balls and bark, a dog that’s
cute but not a show dog, just a good old dog
–
more a dog energy, cocking her head up and thinking, “Oh
wow! Another day I can go chase balls,” a Wonder Woman feeling
of sleekness, physical confidence, physical capability?
And the
client reports the following week that she woke up the next
morning and each succeeding morning happily anticipating riding
her bicycle, or swimming, or taking a walk, or walking on the
treadmill, and happy to choose among many ways to be in her
body, but mostly choosing the bike because it’s Fall and the
weather’s so beautiful and she’s found a nearby neighborhood
with quiet streets. And on the third day she finds herself
singing Woody Guthrie’s Car Song but now with the words, “I’ll
take you ridin’ on my bike, bike…” And on the fourth day she
notices that whenever she starts doing anything in a driven way,
pushing to do it because she should or it’s "good for
her," she lightens up, slows down, gets in her body and
discovers that so-called work now feels like play.
I’m that
client. If you wish, you can read the
complete transcript of my “doggie” session. But don’t rely
on a left-brain understanding of how you might use symbolic
modeling in your own life or work. The facilitator (and trainer
of the symbolic modeling workshop I attended) is
Gina
Campbell. Learn first-hand by scheduling a session with
Gina. You’ll never forget it. I promise. You can also find
fascinating articles about Symbolic Modeling and "Clean"
Coaching at the
Clean Language Collection. And of course, I can mentor you
in eliciting metaphors from your own clients.
Now I’m going
out to play. Arf!
