Take Refuge in the
Community
"My years as a
mercenary ended," said Ed, an Enneagram
Eight,
"when I was walking down a street with a woman, and a kid reached out and pushed her.
He was with a bunch of other kids and they were just goofing off. It was basically
harmless. But without thinking I struck out and Whop! hit him hard in the face. The woman
with me never did realize what had happened because we kept on walking. But I know I left
that kid with some broken bones. I don't think I killed him, but that was the end of that
life for me. I realized something in me was becoming damaged. I asked myself, 'Along
the road I'm going, what can become of me? Who would I be?' Certainly no one I could live
with."
The Eight's
fixation on power and control stems from the passion of excess. An unexamined Eight
wants it all and wants it NOW! So they're rougher, tougher people, more aggressive, more confronting,
more intent on being in charge. But as with all Enneagram styles this is only the outward
manifestation of a life-long coping strategy: in the case of Eights, to protect their soft hearts by never
showing vulnerability. It's as if the child inside who was never allowed
expression continues to need constant protection. As children, Eights
realized they were on their own
and had to
grow up fast.
When talking with
Eight clients I often hold my arms in front of me as if I were holding a baby, rock my arms, and
say, "You never could let go like this, to trust in the safety of your innocence, to simply be a baby."
This is why
some Enneagram teachers express the
path of
transformation for an Eight as a return to innocence: the ability to trust, to place
oneself in the arms of the lover, the family, the community. In psychological terms,
unexamined Eights compensate for the injustice of not really having had a childhood by
taking "justice" into their own hands. Even the
least self-aware Eights are typically protective of children, especially young
children who aren't yet rebellious. But in general Eights
need to develop their tender side. This can show up early on as a tenderness in
relationship with a lover, with a friend. As their level of trust grows, their compassion
grows as well.
From a
Buddhist perspective we could say wisdom is the Eight
way to satori. But in Buddhism, wisdom and compassion are inseparably linked; thus
true wisdom reflects a shift to more altruistic and benign modes of operating, a focus on
service to the world. And in Enneagram theory, as well, the enlightened Eight is one who
reflects the highest qualities of the Two (whose path is
loving-kindness).
A Buddhist chant
reminds us of three refuges on our path:
-
"I take refuge in the Buddha" (a
commitment to enlightenment)
-
"I take refuge in the Dharma" (a
commitment to the teachings)
-
"I take refuge in the Sangha" (a
commitment to the community of seekers)
In the
Enneagram community we can all develop more sensitivity, put ourselves in others' shoes,
and allow our hearts to go out to the weak and strong alike when we're no longer afraid
to embrace our own vulnerabilities:
...the only law or rule of all human relations... is to put your own
consciousness in a place where you are no longer attached to a polarized
position... Until I was centered enough, till I was in that place in myself,
I couldn't really know that place in other beings (Ram Dass, The Only Dance There Is).
Not
long ago, an Eight friend wept during a tender conversation and said,
"I don't know what happened to me. I used to be so tough, and now I 'leak' all the
time!"
I know what
happened.