The Absolute Truth:
Being vs. Doing
The
word persona, which originally referred to ancient drama masks, was
adopted by Carl Jung for the masks we wear, the roles we play as we adapt to
external reality. Furthermore, as children we responded so completely to
others' expectations while developing our sense of self, our own persona
has become a source of self-deception. In our so-called reality we
tend to forget we're not who we think we are. We come to believe we're the mask we wear.
I
discovered this quite
profoundly for myself some years ago, as I experienced burn-out and,
through fatigue with my work, realized how much
vanity
and self-deceit had driven my coaching career. I'd gauged my success by
extensive travel, designer suits, reveling in my value to clients, working
with important people. I remember one client who's an Enneagram
Three
said he had "a room full of empty trophies." Exactly. The development path
of truthfulness, then, refers to the enlightened ability to speak and act
from the ways things really are; not through our personality
needs.
The
key personality need of people with the Three worldview is self-deception,
driven by vanity
- a compulsion to always see themselves and be seen by others as
successful,
which they consciously experience as a drive to achieve and get
results. All of us manifest aspects of vanity. It may be reflected in the
clothes we wear, in a drive to seek status, wanting to be around
important people, and competitiveness of all varieties (being the "best"
athlete, having the "best" house, achieving the top organizational position).
My client, Sandy, was a workaholic totally dedicated to efficiency and results, no matter what the human cost.
She was a loner who didn't connect with her co-workers, focusing only
on accomplishments (Threes are the least in touch with their feelings). One
day Sandy said to me, "You know how I am." And I replied, "Actually, I
don't. I suspect you tell me what you think I want to hear. This is the
quality of withholding that leads others not to trust you."
Sandy learned to observe both her compulsion
to succeed/promote herself and her avoidance of failure. She
noticed how often she told people what she wanted them to hear (or what she
thought they wanted to hear). She also discovered she often failed to
connect with others; instead of really listening she would say, "Yes, we
need to do that," when she already had her mind made up.
Even as she acknowledged these failures
to me, however, Sandy began to kick into her vanity overdrive (I've
emphasized some key words in bold): "I think my opportunities for
development are better than they were when we first started because I
have more time to focus on 'What's the best way for me to do this?
How can I do that better?'" Sandy's underlying pattern was now
driving her to seek results in a process designed to release herself from
her compulsion to seek results! Style Three's spiritual path of truthfulness
means being true to the moment instead of focusing on doing, on achieving
results.
You
must accept yourself as you are, instead of as you would like to be, which
means giving up self-deception and wishful thinking. As long as you regard
yourself or any part of your experience as "the dream come true," then you
are involved in self-deception. If we really want to learn and see the
experience of truth, we have to be where we are (from Cutting Through
Spiritual Materialism, by
Chogyam Trungpa).
The revelation
for Sandy when she began to see
and accept herself in the present was: "Time out! I've worked 15-hour days
as long as I can remember," and for the first time she began to spend entire
weekends away from work and with her family.
What was revealed to me - when I let go of my
drive to look good to clients - was the opportunity to capture what I've learned from
them and share it with others through writing.