The
Nature of Change
The Sanskrit word
Maya is
often interpreted to mean "life is an illusion." More accurately Maya
is the illusion that we and the world around us are stable and unchanging. In fact, everything is always changing.
A good coach looks behind the illusion of immutability to discover the openings and opportunities for change.
Academics argue passionately about which
comes first, a change in attitude or a change in behavior. Translated to
coaching, do we help clients challenge their beliefs and thus bring about
behavioral change; or do we encourage them to experiment with new behavior,
hoping different results will reframe their thinking? The answer:
both!!!
It's true that new behavior can create results that make old beliefs
obsolete. And sometimes a
"new view" leads clients to make behavioral changes consistent with
that new perspective.
Moreover, change can
occur even when clients don't believe it will work.
They may be
uncomfortable or even afraid to behave differently, but
as
long as they'll experiment with something and stay open to the possibility it will
work, they're on the road to change. This is so because the act of
doing something in a different way has already begun to act on their
beliefs. In addition, responses from others will reinforce their new behavior.
Over the years I've noticed about
40% of my clients have changed based only upon insights gained from
clear and specific feedback. This is surprisingly high percentage is based on three
factors:
-
Coaches are generally
hired by reasonably self-aware people who are ready to change, who've
experienced some degree of personal or
business success in their lives, who are relatively
optimistic, resourceful, and self-initiating, and who make changes with very little assistance.
-
Many
clients haven't
experienced truly effective therapy or coaching. It's hard to know what to
change, for example, when a friend says "You're too bossy" or
your boss says "We didn't promote you because we need someone with a broader
perspective." The behavioral specificity of good coaching, drawn either from
interviews with others or from your process observations, is usually a breath of fresh air ("Oh, is that what
it is? I can change that!")
-
Presenting observations in the context of an
Enneagram style often lowers peoples' defenses. The collective experience of
Enneagram enthusiasts and teachers offers support for the "down-sides" and
hopefulness about the potentialities of a particular style. And coaching
specifically to an Enneagram style accelerates the process of change
considerably.
Another 40% need to try out
new behaviors and learn from them. For example, a Senior Vice President was told she needed to be less
positioned and more flexible in looking for
collaborative resolutions to problems with peers. She wasn't aware of her
toggle-switch
(dualistic) way of thinking – only perceiving two alternatives: hers
or "theirs." From that perspective there could only be one "winner"
and she'd been determined to win. She also acknowledged her
reluctance to show any vulnerability. It took time and practice with
problem-solving techniques for her to learn how to build creative
alternatives, and to be willing to do so.
The remaining 20% of coaching
clients require a deeper level of intervention. No matter how motivated someone is to
change, or how clear the feedback, or how well-rehearsed the skills, deeply embedded
patterns affect the nature and degree of
change for all Enneagram styles. My clients, like the rest of the population, come from a
wide variety of family backgrounds. I've worked with people who were physically and/or
emotionally abused as children, or who are recovering addicts and alcoholics, for example.
But the negative impacts of previous experiences
need not be so dramatic for people to have difficulty with change. Sometimes
this means a longer course of coaching, with more support as well as
more challenge, more experimentation, and much more patience.
