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Out of
the Box Coaching and
Breakthroughs with the Enneagram,
Mary R. Bast, Ph.D.
Copyright © 1999. All rights reserved. Revised:
January 10, 2012
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From
Anger Kills,
by Redford Williams, M.D., and Virginia Williams, Ph.D.
Key Definitions:
-
Cynicism:
Degree to which you believe people in general
are selfish and out mainly for themselves, you cannot trust them to do the right
thing most of the time, and you are the only one you can really depend on.
-
Anger:
Degree to which you respond with irritation or annoyance when faced with life's frustrations, such as being stuck in a
traffic jam.
-
Aggression:
Tendency to express anger or irritation
overtly toward other people, physically or verbally.
Survival Skills:
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Track your actions, feelings, thoughts.
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Reason with
yourself. Consider the objective facts that stimulated your reaction;
consider only what you can actually observe, not what you interpret.
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Deflect anger:
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Thought stopping (silently say, "Stop!" and substitute with
something you enjoy)
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Distraction (identify another focus and immerse yourself in it)
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Meditation (relax,
breathe, use mantra, "bring the mind home") - 15 minutes/day, then
in public (to yourself), then in all aspects of life
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Avoid overstimulation (cut back on nicotine, sweets, caffeine;
exercise regularly)
(NOTE: Hostile personalities possess nervous systems that react too
easily, even without stimulants)
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Improve relationships:
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Assert yourself (empathize,
describe the behavior, remind the
other person of an agreement, share your feelings, ask for what you want--future state)
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Build your relationship with your pets
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Listen (vs. concentrating on your own thoughts and agenda); think
of it as a form of meditation; avoid being judgmental (each time you mentally judge, use
thought stopping)
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Trust (force yourself to relinquish control--start with something
inconsequential; don't expect this to be easy)
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Community service
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Empathize (an extension of reasoning with yourself--learn to look at
things through the other person's eyes)
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Show
tolerance (accept others as they are, not as you would like for them
to be)
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Forgive (consciously choose
to forgive someone who has wronged you; start with relatively minor wrongs and work your way up)
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Have a confidant (use as a sounding board)
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Adopt positive attitudes:
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Humor (catastrophize
– spin annoyances to ridiculous extremes,
use irony, slap-stick, puns, double entendres)
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Religion (find some fundamental value system/practice that makes you
a seeker, someone who searches for meaning in the personal and social world)
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Pretend today is your last
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