Out of the Box Coaching and
Breakthroughs with the Enneagram, Mary R. Bast, Ph.D. 
Copyright © 1999. All rights reserved. Revised: January 09, 2012  

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Team Action Plan for Mutual Development
(for more information on these team-mates, see "In the Heart of the Relationship")

This action plan was written for four members of a senior executive team following a workshop exploring the group dynamics created by their personality styles. The actions were carefully constructed to emphasize mutual development (what each does to support others' growth that's also self-developmental). Each was given copies of all the recommended actions so they could reinforce each other's progress.

Pete (Style Five)

In general, remember your tendency to compartmentalize, and avoid reducing any team member's behavior to "type."

With Sally (Style Three):

• Instead of protecting Sally when she nonverbally withdraws, remember your own tendency to withdraw, and encourage her to say what keeps her from engaging.

• Her competitiveness models your potential leadership strengths -- a willingness to push others to achieve goals. Notice and give her positive feedback when she operates out of these strengths in a way that develops her empathy for others.

With Joe (Style Nine):

• Recognize your criticism of his "need" for inclusion as a rejected part of your own unconscious. Stay with your own discomfort and learn from it. Give Joe positive feedback when he enhances connections among group members. 

• Use Joe as a role model for his ability to actively facilitate the team's process. Observe and give him positive feedback when he does things to help the team operate more effectively.

With Matt (Style Six):

• Matt's gifts represent your neglected Six wing in his active caring for the common good and his willingness to risk putting his emotions on the line. Give him positive feedback when you see him being helpful to the group. 

• When he points out potential problems, instead of reacting to the negative, listen to the content of Matt's message, show appreciation for what he sees that you did not, and openly integrate this information.

Joe (Style Nine)

In general, notice your tendency to be a go-between, unwittingly diverting others' energy from direct confrontation and resolution. Instead of listening/coaching, offer to facilitate a meeting between others when they have issues.

With Pete (Style Five):

• Don't discount your wish for connection with Pete, even when he shows discomfort. Help him find incremental ways to connect with you and others and let him know you appreciate it when he does.

• Remember that his discomfort with connecting comes from his fear of being overwhelmed. When you feel discounted by him, see it as a projection of your self-discounting ("The part of me that's like Pete is discounting myself").

With Matt (Style Six):

• Recognize your tendency to merge with him when he's upset. Remain objective, listen, and be a sounding board so Matt can figure out what to do (then go within to discover your own feelings and deal with them openly and directly, but separately from his).

• Build on Matt's trust in you by giving him direct feedback when you see him behaving in ways that might hook Pete or Sally.

With Sally (Style Three):

• When you see Sally doing things you don't like (e.g. trying to "look good" to others), first take this behavior in as an aspect of your connection to Three (you both have ambivalent feelings about merging with other's wishes).

• Because of your considerate style, Sally's able to hear your feedback with relatively little defensiveness. Give her specific and direct constructive criticism: useful for her and good practice for you.

Matt (Style Six)

In general, the most courageous thing you can do is honor your ability to let your feelings show. It's risky and that's exactly why you're such a good model for the others. If you imagine they devalue this, check it out. If they do devalue it, figure out how you can express yourself more assertively, but also explore what prevents them from being more open.

With Pete (Style Five):

• Use your gift of prescience to figure out what Pete needs and give it to him. Tell him you're doing it (help him learn what he needs).

• Recognize that when you anticipate problems, to Pete it's like a cat bringing home a bird, hard for him to see as a gift. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how your concerns may seem inaccurate / exaggerated, then modify and balance your presentation.

With Joe (Style Nine):

• While you act it out in different ways, you and Joe have decision-making processes that differ from Pete and Sally. So they may see you both as procrastinating, deciding too prematurely, and/or backing down too readily. Explore together ways you're true to your Enneagram style in this regard, set development goals, and give each other ongoing feedback.

• Be a source of constructive feedback on Joe's epic tales. Help him cut to the chase.

With Sally (Style Three):

• If you find Sally "controlling" take this in as an aspect of your shadow ("I don't like the part of me that's controlling"), then discuss with her how you might approach each other more constructively.

• Instead of reacting to Sally as if you're under attack, acknowledge the content of what she says, to whatever degree it is:

  • a partial truth,

  • a shared principle, and/or

  • a possibility (even if remote). 

  Then probe for more information (e.g., "It's hard for me to believe I do that, but maybe it's possible. What exactly have you seen or heard?").

Sally (Style Three)

In general, self-disclosure can lead to engagement and help you develop awareness of your own feelings. Keep learning how the others react to your self-disclosure, and keep being direct, but with sensitivity to how to help others become more comfortable with you.

With Joe (Style Nine):

• When you're asked your opinion and suspect it will be seen as adversarial, offer it in the way you imagine Joe would, then ask him for feedback about how you did it.

• Use your excellent observation skills to tell Joe when you think his attempts at mediation are keeping others from dealing directly with you.

With Pete (Style Five):

• Be aware that you and Pete both tend to withdraw from feelings and unwittingly prohibit growth for each other. Make educated guesses about what Pete might be feeling and check with him to see if you're correct.

• When you see Pete withdraw, acknowledge it as a piece of yourself. Also, directly and respectfully confront him and encourage him to "come out."

With Matt (Style Six):

• When you have feedback for Matt, first present what you appreciate about him in the same area (e.g., if you think he's contributing to "elitism" in the company, first tell him how you see him supporting equality). Make your comments specific, descriptive, and focused on behavior (as opposed to general, judgmental, and personality-based).

• Instead of judging Matt as being defensive, find a way to communicate with him that doesn't raise defenses. If you come to an impasse, ask: "How could I talk with you about this?" or "What am I doing to make this difficult?"