Out of the Box Coaching and
Breakthroughs with the Enneagram, Mary R. Bast, Ph.D. 
Copyright © 1999. All rights reserved. Revised: July 16, 2010 

In the Heart of the Relationship:
Developing a Work Team with the Enneagram

Following is a snapshot of work with a senior executive team. Pete (a Five on the Enneagram) was the CEO and team leader, with three Executive Vice Presidents reporting to him: Matt (Six), Sally (Three), and Joe (Nine). 

Initially, each of the four worked with me to create an individual development plan based on their self-assessment, my observations, and feedback from in-depth interviews with their boss (in Pete's case, the Board Chairman), peers, and subordinates; our work also included learning about the Enneagram and applying their insights to both individual growth and effectiveness at work -- in particular their interactions with each other. The four are described below first in their own words and then through a summary of observations from the other team members. This is not a full description of their personalities or behaviors; only those aspects are highlighted which most affected their effectiveness as a team.

Matt (Six)

"My father was very dominant and short-tempered and controlling," said Matt during our first meeting. "My mother was caring, traditional -- focused on her kids, her husband, her home -- and she was fearful: always afraid of an accident, of something bad happening, always talking about who's dying, who's sick. They were both very strict, and although I was a really good kid, they wouldn't trust me to take care of myself. Even today, my mother asks unbelievable questions about my health."

His Six-ish prescience was impressive -- Matt was often one step ahead of me as we talked about the Enneagram and its application to his own life. In response to my example of a Six client from another organization, who was described as "wearing his emotions on his sleeve," Matt said, "I think I'm too open. I've heard Pete describing other people by how things go straight from their gut to their mouth, and I think that's how he sees me." Matt was learning to give himself credit instead of looking outward -- to the degree he had been -- for affirmation. With reflection, however, he was able to see how his Six issues were still being played out with his team mates. "I'd like to be more centered, more at peace with myself," he said, "so my reaction doesn't become a function of what somebody else says every twenty minutes!" He sometimes resented Pete for being stingy with praise, and he found it difficult to accept Sally's suggestions without feeling she was meddling.

Matt's team mates described him as a very bright, capable executive, an intense individual with "a lot of emotions pumping." They said he brought a tremendous amount of energy and excitement to the group and put in immeasurable hours to reach his goals. He was also universally applauded for his management skills: "He appreciates what it takes to motivate people, understands the little things that make a difference, and treats his people with respect." Another key contribution to the team was Matt's attention to team work across company lines: "He has an appreciation for the various roles that need to be played in the company," said Joe, "so he promotes cross-functional discussions, copies others on voice mail, and reminds his direct reports to include others."

The other three all agreed, however -- as Joe so eloquently put it -- that Matt was "a package of contradictions." He had a good sense of his inner strengths and capabilities and portrayed an aura of professionalism, but he worried overmuch about what people thought of him. "He has this element of caution about 'danger out there,'" Joe said, "yet he also projects a note of reckless abandon" (Matt referred to this as his "kamikaze" quality!). His team mates saw this paradox in Matt as affecting his decision-making: "He can decide on an impulsive, intuitive basis," said Joe, "yet will sometimes say 'we can't do this because...'" Sally assumed Matt "wants to do well and be right, yet has serious doubts, so that sometimes he'll take too long to decide, and sometimes he'll back down too readily, especially when challenged by Pete." And as Matt suspected, Pete said, "Matt needs the most work on not blurting things out."

As a consequence of our personal work, Matt learned to reach inside when he started to react strongly to someone else's opinion and "let it go." In fact, he passed on a reading from Carl Hammerschlag about ordinary people who "journey past fear and illusion:"

"The primary task in the pursuit of salvation and healthy living is to choose to respond to the summons of life's journey. The truth is that you don't have to take somebody else's path or identify with an established heroic figure. You are the principal character in your own life's drama (and) growth and personal truth are found on many paths."

Pete (Five)

In describing himself, Pete said, "I grew up with a mother who's very critical, but we've had a pretty good relationship, and others have often told me I'm her favorite, although I've never perceived it that way. My father was a very driven individual," he continued, "who became the first professional in an immigrant family, and he wanted me to follow in his footsteps. We did things together but he had an agenda for me that was very clear, and it wasn't until he died that I felt completely free." It also became clear in our conversations that Pete's father could become explosively angry, and was not likely to give him any praise. Possessed of an outstanding mind, Pete's retreat into intellect was apparent: "I found college to be an intellectual lark," he reported. During his professional training, Pete and one of his mentors created a new discipline that became an accredited course of study, and he's a nationally acknowledged leader in his field.

"One of my gifts and also my down side," he said of himself, "is that I can be an intellectual dilettante and play with ideas for the sake of playing with them. I'm also very passionate when I value something, and I think I underestimate my ability to influence other people." He also recognized, based on consistent feedback from the others, that he needed to be better able to meet their "positive reinforcement needs," although he struggled with some disdain for people who are "driven by their emotional needs." "In working with this team," he acknowledged, "I need to better motivate, connect with them, meet their needs so they can work at a higher level and feel good about the organization and about me."

Others' comments about Pete delightfully conveyed their respect for his brilliance and innovativeness. As one person said, "He's a very complex person -- like a wonderful Caesar Salad - -and an unparalleled strategic thinker in his field." Matt described Pete as "one of the smartest people I've ever been around," and Joe saw him as "an extraordinarily strong conceptual thinker, very shrewd." They all agreed Pete was a great generator of innovative ideas and he loved to debate, "although he may not even believe in the point he's arguing - because he has such a passionate state of mind he couldn't really tell you at the moment whether he loves the idea or not!" 

They also agreed Pete had a hard time seeing issues from the other person's point of view. While he was actually a very free-flowing thinker, his persistence could make him seem positioned or even rigid, thus shutting others out. "If you present a compelling argument and speak with conviction, he'll listen," said Joe, "but if you get into a debate with him you can't win; he'll rip you apart." Sally described Pete as "completely the opposite of Matt in that he will take a totally dispassionate view." 

Also, Pete was known to change his views from one occasion to the next, without explaining the change or giving credit to the person who influenced his thinking. Sally described this as an unconscious process: "I think the way he gathers feedback is to make a lot of statements and then process the reactions; without revealing it he's persuaded in some way, will re-tool his thinking and come back with the integrated view, not even being aware of the transition himself."

In addition to some frustration with his debating tactics, the other three knew Pete expected them to take care of themselves. "He doesn't appear to think about us developmentally," said Joe. According to Matt, "He just doesn't see the value of positive feedback." Nor did paying attention to individual needs come naturally to Pete; others were aware he saw emotional vulnerabilities as weaknesses. "If you meet him with humor and intelligence when he's all wound up," said one, "that's a form of intimacy for him, kind of an intellectual aikido. But he has great difficulty disclosing himself or giving praise directly."

As part of his development work Pete asked me to create an assessment form to check his progress according to team members and the Board President; we collected this information twice a year for two years, as a basis for follow-up coaching. 

Sally (Three)

Before she began to look for ways to change her response, Sally's reaction to emotional discomfort was to withdraw without explaining herself. Pete was concerned about this behavior: "If it's a business or technical issue, she'll confront, but when she has intense feelings or is uncomfortable about something she has a tendency to draw back from it emotionally -- during one intense team session she just sat back and worked on some papers." 

"I find that too many of our discussions focus on feelings and not enough on outcomes," Sally said. "When this happens I back away from the situation, telling myself 'This is too emotional for me.' I grew up in a big, extended family that fights and screams. I've seen my father punish my sister, who would never conform to what he wanted, and I remember thinking I never wanted to get on his bad side." The Three's coping strategy became clear in this comment: "My Dad was always telling us what we should do, how we should look, but I was never afraid he'd turn on me because there was always a reason why he'd react, and you could control that very easily by doing what he asked." 

Sally's focus on results showed up in her self-image as a team member: "People will probably say about me that I try to take responsibility for things when it's really not my job, but when I think that our employees or customers might be let down, I offer assistance to Joe or Matt. It's really hard for me when I think I can make a situation better but they're either upset with me for 'interfering' or aren't willing to do what I suggest." When asked about her working definition of teamwork Sally said, "I think Star Trek: The Next Generation teaches wonderful lessons about honesty and how to treat people. Here's a group of people who are very diverse but when the chips are down they can work together. The leader of the crew is very strong, but treats everybody with respect and gets done what needs to be done." Sally was highly self-observant. "I know I can be overbearing in taking the lead," she said early in our work, "but I do not want to be vulnerable to failure -- it's just safer to be on my own."

Described by her team mates as particularly bright and articulate, Sally showed a conviction that she could make a difference and aggressively pursued goals she believed in; consequently her responsibilities had grown steadily since she joined the company. However, they all wished she didn't hold such a dichotomy between her personal self and work life. She kept herself somewhat closed to people. Joe described Sally as "having a small comfort zone for someone at her level." "I'd like to get to know her better," said Matt, "but I feel off-guard with her" (this was largely in response to her tendency to intervene in areas of his responsibility).

A major focus for Sally's development was to get in touch with her feelings, and to learn how to consider the feelings of others. Shortly after our team session she sent a memo to Matt outlining in specific and glowing terms his contribution to a major project (and acknowledged in private her goal to become more comfortable making such comments in person).

Joe (Nine)

At a polar extreme from Sally, Joe was the most open of the four. "Matt and I connect very well and have a lot in common," he said. "Sally and I are so different our relationship is variable -- sometimes good, sometimes strained. Pete is the least likely to give praise or connect with people, and connecting is very important to me, which he sees as a weakness." Joe's Eight wing was prominent. He acknowledged early on, "Sometimes I'll blow my top. People who know me know it's never directed personally, and I've also learned, if I do screw up, to go and apologize. But I'm not the most sensitive person in the world on social nuances; someone has to hit me on the head, and then I say, 'Oh thanks for waking me up!'"

Joe's self-forgetting showed up in his poor memory: "I have CRS disease -- can't remember shit. I think it's an asset in that I don't hold grudges very long, mainly because I've forgotten what happened!" Joe did not remember being discounted as a child -- in fact he remembered little of his childhood -- but he came into one of our meetings after a visit from his father, and announced, "I saw it! We played golf while he was here and after I teed off he said, 'You call that a drive?' He even made fun of me to some golfers who came up behind us. I realized that kind of remark must have been common when I was growing up." In describing his mother Joe said, "She's a real romanticist, the kind of person for whom the glass is always half-empty; that's also the kind of person I have the most difficulty dealing with: they look for ways to be disappointed because it reinforces their view of the world."

Joe's coping strategy also showed up in his early, vague focus about his career: "Growing up, I was not an overachiever, and I wasn't very mature going into college. I always knew I was smart, and I knew eventually I'd get my act together, but I didn't have a plan to do it -- it kind of fell together. Each year it gets more focused -- I just wish it had happened a long time ago!"

His difficulty remaining undistracted had been somewhat of a problem for Joe in meetings ("Being in a room for two or three hours really stresses my abilities because it's hard to stay focused"). He was also aware his "epic tales" could be difficult for others to follow: "I agree with Pete that I need to work on formulating my thoughts before speaking. I'm seen more as a 'mad scientist' and would like to be seen as a critical thinker. I'd like some help on how to be more controlled, analytical, thoughtful -- to be able to sit in a meeting, process information, and speak only to really important issues with few words. I believe I have a responsibility to stay focused and get a positive outcome -- to make sure the group attains its goals."

Joe was very much valued by the other team members as an entrepreneur with good ideas and perceptions, someone with a long-term perspective who was extremely well-informed about business and industry issues. He was seen as an idealist, with passionate feelings about making an impact on the world in areas he valued. He was also seen as "incredibly bright, though his lack of focus may sometimes hide it." "He's not very structured in his thinking;" said Sally, "he's a free-wheeling idea generator who doesn't have restrictions or boundaries. I think he loves to be challenged to change things, to make an impact on what he's closest to."

His loving nature and "mad scientist" style were most apparent to the others. Personally, Joe was seen as fun socially, warm, sincere, charming, and affectionate. He was described at work as "more of a feeling person than an analyst." And according to Pete, "Joe has a very long-winded communication style -- for example, his voice mail messages are all over the place. He often has good ideas, but they're not polished or worked through enough, and if I stop and ask questions he'll say I don't appreciate his ideas." Joe was seen as open- minded, someone who tries to understand various points of view, but he could also be positioned. "If it's a new idea where nothing already exists, he'll explore things," said Sally, "but if he's thought it through himself he tries to defend his position, sometimes stubbornly."

Consistent with Joe's description of his relationship with Sally, she acknowledged, "We're very different. He's a touchy person. Maybe I have too many walls around me, but it makes me nervous." And as Joe surmised, Pete saw him as "someone who needs positive feedback more than most -- you can tell when you've said something that's tripped one of his switches, because his reaction has shut him off; he gives very strong nonverbal cues." Yet Matt countered this opinion: "I don't buy Pete's view that Joe needs more feedback than most, he just needs balance, he needs more positive feedback."

Matt attributed Joe's outbursts of anger to "getting too worn down physically -- when he does, things get out of whack. At one meeting he got me out in the lobby and started screaming at me, explaining it by saying, 'This is me, I have to vent.' The next day I told him 'Don't yell at me!'" "Joe and I have worked out a deal," reported Sally, "that when he's emotional I go away and come back after he's calmed down." 

Finally, Joe was described by the others as having a kind of innocence about his own behavior. "He seems caring," said Sally, "yet sometimes I can't believe how oblivious he can be to what's going on around him." Said Pete, "We'll be in meetings where it's clear to me and others that someone's not listening, and Joe won't see it; for him to hear something you have to come at him pretty directly, otherwise he kind of goes to sleep!"

Among other development actions, Joe used meditation techniques to focus for prescribed periods of time -- and became much better able to handle long meetings and to present his thoughts more succinctly (in fact, he sailed through an executive MBA program!).

The Team Session

Early in the process each of the team members met with me independently, experimenting with new behaviors and reporting back on how well they worked (some of these are indicated above). Once all four were thoroughly acquainted with the gifts and fixations of their styles, we met for half a day as a group to discuss the value each brought to the team and the Enneagram dynamics they felt might impede their full effectiveness with each other. They found that discussion so useful we created a group action plan based on their styles, with two commitments from each of them to each of the other three.

Their half day together began by acknowledging their Enneagram styles, with examples of typical motivations and behaviors of each. Out of their self-descriptions we created ground rules for the session. Joe asked that he be offered multiple options. Sally requested that we stop and create some guidelines for self-disclosure if she began to feel too uncomfortable. Matt wanted any feedback he received to be balanced -- preferably with the positive feedback first. And Pete was accorded time to process his reactions internally. Most of the session's content reflected the assessments presented earlier in this article, but there was an observable emotional impact of disclosing themselves so fully; and their own dynamics became even more evident to them as they got a reality check from each other and from the consultant. Furthermore, several behaviors were highlighted through the group interaction: 

• There was a tendency for "we-they" pairings (Pete/Sally and Matt/Joe). Their MBTI preferences as well as their Enneagram styles were clearly evident in Joe's (ENFP) and Matt's (ENFJ) greater ease with openness and more "people-oriented" observations (a Nine and a Six, both with a Feeling preference), as compared to Sally's (ENTJ) and Pete's (INTP) more reserved styles and "logical" observations (a Three and a Five, both with a Thinking preference).

• Joe (the Nine) played the role of facilitator (astutely analyzing and explaining some of the dynamics he observed), and mediator between Sally and Matt. In debriefing this behavior, however, it became clear Joe had unwittingly diffused some energy between the two by acting as a sounding board to each, instead of helping them find a way to work things out between the two of them.

• Matt (the Six) showed courage in diving in to speak what was in his heart; also a tendency to defend himself in the face of perceived criticism -- he had promised himself he would not blurt things out, but would quietly take things in and respond in a non-defensive manner, all of which went by the wayside as members of the team lost themselves in the drama of their interaction.

• Pete (the Five) intellectually analyzed others' behavior, which seemed to them somewhat condescending (interpretive) -- he had difficulty making direct, positive statements. To his credit he hung in and kept trying to be more self-disclosing and to give more balanced feedback.

• Sally (the Three) showed physical discomfort but honored her commitment to stay engaged in the process. In addition, she brought value to the group with her clarity about the importance of being heard. She asked others to paraphrase what they'd heard her say -- this was good modeling for the group.

By the end of the session they agreed they'd met their goal of "going deeper" than they had in the past, and there were a number of recommendations for working together more effectively. These were summarized in a group action plan for mutual development, the introduction summarizing three key points:

1) Conflict occurs largely because we're in different worlds and interpret things differently; if you put yourself in others' shoes you'll enhance the possibility of learning about yourself and building more constructive ways of working together.

2) Each of the Enneagram patterns represents only a glimpse of reality. As you wake up to these aspects of your "shadow" you'll free yourself from habitual behavior, gain tolerance for one another, open communication, and develop trust and compassion.

4) It's important to recognize each others' gifts. It's also important to acknowledge that working on yourself in the team is an unparalleled developmental opportunity: "Each has separate work to do, but the work touches and moves in the heart of the relationship" (quoted from Margaret Frings Keyes' Enneagram Relationship Workbook).