Out of the Box Coaching and
Breakthroughs with the Enneagram, Mary R. Bast, Ph.D. 
Copyright © 1999. All rights reserved. Revised: January 09, 2012  

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The Three Phases of Ethical Persuasion
(From The Power of Ethical Persuasion, Tom Rusk, M.D., with D. Patrick Miller)
 (Click here for pdf version of this page)

The persuasion of this method is not convincing someone of the correct viewpoint. Rather, this approach persuades us to treat each other with respect, understanding, caring, and fairness.

PHASE 1: EXPLORING THE OTHER PERSON'S VIEWPOINT

  1. Establish that your immediate goal is mutual understanding, not problem solving.

  2. Elicit the other person's thoughts, feelings, and desires about the subject at hand.

  3. Ask for their help in understanding them. Try not to defend or disagree.

  4. Repeat their position in your own words to show you understand.

  5. Ask them to correct your understanding and keep restating their position.

  6. Refer back to your position only to keep things going.

  7. Repeat steps 1-6 until they unreservedly agree you understand their position.

PHASE 2: EXPLAINING YOUR VIEWPOINT

  1. Ask for a fair hearing in return.

  2. Explain how their thoughts and feelings affect you -- avoid blaming and self-defense as much as possible.

  3. Carefully explain your thoughts, desires, and feelings as your truth, not the truth.

  4. Ask for restatement of your position -- and corrections of any inaccuracies -- as necessary.

  5. Review your respective positions.

PHASE 3: CREATING RESOLUTIONS
(this varies somewhat from Rusk's Phase 3, "Brainstorm Multiple Options")

  1. Affirm your mutual understanding and confirm that you're both ready to consider options for resolution.

  2. Search for creative ("win-win" or "collaborative") solutions.

  3. If a mutually agreeable solution is not yet obvious, try one or more of the following options:

    • Compromise between alternate solutions ("O.K., I'll leave the decision up to you when it only has to do with equipment; otherwise, you need to get my approval").

    • Take turns between alternate solutions ("Let's agree on decisions together when we're in staff meetings; but when we meet one-on-one you come to me with a summary of decisions you have made").

    • Bargain with alternate solutions ("I'll leave those decisions up to you if you'll give me weekly updates that demonstrate how we will meet the deadline").

    • Take time out to reconsider, consult, exchange proposals, and reconvene.

    • Yield (for now) once your position is thoroughly and respectfully considered (works especially well when they clearly want their option more than you want yours).

    • Agree to disagree and still respect each other; then, if you can, go your separate ways on the particular issue.

    • Agree to neutral arbitration, mediation, or counseling.

    • Assert your positional power after thoroughly and respectfully considering their position.