Starting a new business
many years ago required taking some risks, and I
needed a change in
self-concept. To symbolize my awakening heart energy, I chose a tattoo of a dolphin swimming around
my heart. When I told my mother, I was devastated by her response: "Why would you want to disfigure
yourself?"
You've had similar experiences, I know.
People who take
risks to define themselves according to their own needs and dreams often have to overcome
the almost insurmountable authority of social conditioning, the values of an earlier
generation, and the wish to be accepted no matter what we do.
Many of us had the childhood experience of being told what we
can't do:
what's not normal
or polite, what's dangerous or beyond our abilities. We were left with a
sense of powerlessness to predict what will make us secure. Even as
adults, these early messages haunt us: "Who will criticize me for trying
something new? Who will laugh at me for this idea I have? What will
I do if this doesn't work out?"
Sometimes we overcome our insecurity
by whistling in the dark. ("I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid!")
But when faced with a tough decision, we also endure an internal debate: "What do I do now? Which of these paths do I take? Can I trust my
own judgment? Will I give myself permission to go for what I want?
This
is the paradox: when we act as if we're powerless, in that very act we give our
power away. Until I found my own personal power, until I could stay clear about what
I wanted to do and why, I fell into the victim role, pointing my finger outward.
Initially, I was angry at how my mother, in spite of her
generally loving support, could undermine my attempts to break the mold. I felt
hurt because I wanted her approval.
Had I come from my center, from my own
integrity, had I let go of my attachment to her opinion, I would have been freed from
reacting to her response, perhaps touched by her own fear of change, or even admired her
for speaking her mind.
How
many times have you stopped yourself from doing something you were excited about because
someone else put on the brakes? My mother was uncomfortable with
the unfamiliar, just as your friends and family may be when you take a risk. My tattoo was right for me. And I revamped my business because it drew
me to work that's richer and more meaningful, even though there were lean years.
In the process, I learned an important lesson. Sometimes we begin to doubt
ourselves when others criticize, worry, or question our urges to live our lives more
fully. We need to remember they're really questioning themselves: they can't
picture doing what we've found the courage and vision to do.
The
next time Mom and I went shopping together we tried on swimwear. She took a long,
long look at the tattoo. Then we both laughed: I would need a
new style of bathing suit!
Changes will beget changes as you create and re-create
your own life.
