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Out of
the Box Coaching and
Breakthroughs with the Enneagram,
Mary R. Bast, Ph.D.
Copyright © 1999. All rights reserved. Revised:
January 07, 2012
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Composing
Your Life
The
model of an ordinary successful life held up for young people is one of early
decision and commitment... that launches a single, rising trajectory. These assumptions have not been valid for many of
history's most creative people, and they are increasingly inappropriate today. The landscape through which we move is in constant
flux. (Mary
Catherine Bateson, Composing a Life).
Women
are the best models for leadership in today’s changing and uncertain world because
many of us have had to compose our lives, making do with what we learn through
painful trial and error, developing our own credentials through life experience. Our stories can inspire each other.
So
imagine yourself stepping into a circle with women like you, making space for your own
hopes. As you read the stories below, what
one image or phrase resonates in you? Then
write your own story: How have you been composing your life?
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Alice:
"I was recovering from alcohol addiction and working at A.A. I saw a lot of women in recovery who were looking
for a place to live and who had many other barriers to overcome, such as caring for small
children on their own. So I helped form a
nonprofit corporation to provide housing for these women.
This was very difficult for me.
I
had to learn how to go out and talk to people about money while not succumbing to big
money—companies who would have wanted to control what we did. Because I felt a sense of belonging and
appreciation for the group, I was able to become an advocate for women, speaking out in
ways I'd never done before."
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Margaret:
"I quit a secure job because I felt burned out.
I saw bureaucracies swallowing up money that could have been better used to
help the mentally ill. While I was taking a
breather I saw a description of the county's plan for mental health. I wanted to respond but I was in a state of panic
and self-doubt, knowing that my senior colleagues and ex-bosses would now be my peers. They said things like, 'Don't take this
personally, but this project will never make it!'
It
took me four years to get equal compensation, and six years to convince myself that I knew
as much as others in similar positions.
At
that point I finally quit worrying that I needed to be more like them and less like
myself."
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Darlene:
"When I think of myself I think of ‘hoop-jumping.’ For many, many years it just never occurred to me
that failure was possible. Of course, I
didn't put myself in situations where failure would be possible! If someone who worked for me wasn't doing the
job, I'd fire them and do
their
job too. I realize now I did this as a
child to get love because exceptional results were expected by my parents. I’m struck by how automatically and
industrially I have gone into this 'do' mode.
Now
I'm asking, 'Hello, Self, what are you like?'"
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