Out of the Box Coaching and
Breakthroughs with the Enneagram, Mary R. Bast, Ph.D. 
Copyright © 1999. All rights reserved. Revised: July 09, 2010

Active Listening

Paraphrasing: Playing back what you heard the other person say.

Paraphrasing focuses your listening and ensures clear, two-way communication. If your restatement is not quite on target, others will usually clarify what they have just said.

Statement: "I don't really understand what top management wants. They say our order of priorities is safety, quality, and schedule. But just let a project be late and all hell breaks loose!"

Paraphrasing: "It seems you're getting mixed messages."

Reflecting: Describing what the other person appears to be feeling.

Reflecting others' feelings helps diffuse tension, acknowledges their right to express feelings, and lets them know you support them, even if you disagree.

Statement: "I don't really understand what top management wants. They say our order of priorities is safety, quality, and schedule. But just let a project be late and all hell breaks loose!"

Reflect: "You sound pretty upset about that."

Open-Ended Probing: Encouraging someone to describe or amplify.

Open probes encourage people to talk. Examples:

"Tell me how this came about."

"How did you decide which method to use?"

"What are your expectations at this point?"

(Closed probes, in contrast, only encourage "yes" or "no" responses or short responses with a single item content. They may also make people feel they're being interrogated.)

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