Out of the Box Coaching and
Breakthroughs with the Enneagram, Mary R. Bast, Ph.D. 
Copyright © 1999. All rights reserved. Revised: January 01, 2012
  

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Active Listening

PARAPHRASE: Play back what you heard the other person say, which focuses your listening and ensures clear, two-way communication. If your restatement is not quite on target, others will usually clarify what they meant.

Statement: "I don't understand what top management wants. They say our order of priorities is safety, quality, and schedule. But if a project is late, all hell breaks loose!"

Paraphrase: "It seems you're getting mixed messages."

REFLECT: Describe what others seem to be feeling, which helps diffuse tension, acknowledges their right to express feelings, and lets them know you support them, even if you disagree.

Statement: "I don't understand what top management wants. They say our order of priorities is safety, quality, and schedule. But if a project is late, all hell breaks loose!"

Reflect: "You sound pretty upset about that."

OPEN PROBE*: Encourage others to describe or amplify.

Statement: "I don't understand what top management wants. They say our order of priorities is safety, quality, and schedule. But if a project is late, all hell breaks loose!"

Open Probe: "Tell me more about your latest project."  "How did you decide on deadlines?"  "What are your expectations at this point?" 

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*NOTE: A closed probe only encourages "yes" or "no." It may also make people feel they're being interrogated:

Statement: "I don't understand what top management wants. They say our order of priorities is safety, quality, and schedule. But if a project is late, all hell breaks loose!"

Closed Probe: "Have you complained to your boss?"  "Are you thinking of quitting?"