A
Hitchhiker's Guide
In the second
chapter of our book,
Clarence and I give examples of how coaching for behavioral
results alone might provide only a temporary solution. If you
coach Ones to stop
lecturing others by using more active listening, for example,
you may both feel you’ve succeeded but could actually reinforce
their existing framework if they try to be more perfect, to
‘fix’ themselves.
I once had a
two-hour feedback session by phone with a manager who – like
many Ones – could tap into a deep vein of humor. I said, "I
don’t think change efforts have to be work. In
particular, using metaphors to stimulate change can be a very
playful process." We talked about how he tended to go into a
teaching/preaching mode with his team, and explored together how
to play with that pattern in a way that would loosen it without
focusing on “fixing.”
I asked him
to think of situations where he didn’t take the teacher role. "I
used to hitchhike in the Sixties," he recalled, "and I learned a
lot from those conversations." He began to imagine himself
“hitching a ride” in meetings, conversing with people who work
for him as if they’re traveling companions. It made a world of
difference.
He was also
curious about how he could coach his people according to
Enneagram style, so I gave him a set of
business-friendly descriptions, drawn primarily from our
book and our coaching experience; also from Michael Goldberg’s
The
9 Ways of Working.
The goal is
to help employees break free of their automatic patterns, but
managers can start with
first-order
interventions until they develop sufficient rapport.
Continuing with the example of Ones, the guidelines to develop
rapport include honoring proper channels, being prompt and
considerate, using gentle humor, giving behaviorally specific
feedback vs. negative labels, and latching onto and encouraging
their ideals. Ones learn best in the beginning by paying close
attention, making checklists, knowing the “rules.” I give
managers these items as examples of how they might coach Ones in
the early phases:
-
Be especially clear
with expectations, guidelines.
-
Be precise and
descriptive with feedback; Ones have a severe inner critic,
so criticism from others can invoke defensiveness.
-
Provide them with
resources to manage their “tirades” better.
Once rapport
is developed, managers can encourage examination of underlying
Enneagram patterns and open the possibility of
second-order change.
I ask them to envision self-aware Ones as idealistic employees,
open to imaginative possibilities and alternative frameworks,
serene and at ease with themselves, patient and relaxed with
others, and responding only where intervention is absolutely
necessary.
The gift of
Ones is to see and work toward perfection. This can narrow their
focus of attention so they see only what’s wrong, what needs
fixing, and they may rigidly demand one right way of doing
things. The manager’s overarching goal, then, is to coach Ones
to observe how their perfectionistic patterns operate and to
experiment with playful ways to interrupt those patterns. This
is the checklist I offer to help spot Ones' key dynamics:
-
Coach them to observe their “shoulds” (for self and others);
see how black/white, either/or, right/wrong thinking shows
up in their language; reframe the meaning of being “right” –
sometimes mistakes are necessary for learning.
-
Help
them become aware of their self-critic and how it drives
them and others to undue perfectionism; teach them to use
appreciative feedback (focusing on progress toward a goal
vs. what’s not happening) and to be specific and
nonjudgmental.
-
Show
how their rigid views of someone or something keep them from
seeing positive aspects; ask “What rule has that person
broken?” “Under what conditions might that be acceptable?”
-
Help
them prioritize rules; distinguish between essential and
auxiliary rules (all rules are not of equal value); this
helps with their black and white thinking.
-
Encourage creative thinking and breaking the “rules” in
creative ways; help expand their judgment criteria in
complex situations; when they insist there’s “one right
way,” brainstorm at least three options and distill positive
portions of each.
-
Coach them to encourage creativity and initiative with
people who work for them; explore the distinction between
giving “assignments” and truly “delegating.”
-
Help
them see the bigger picture beyond the details – not all
details are of equal importance.
- Use humor and
encourage their humor; even comically exaggerate.
I asked a One
client what her self-critical voice looked like. She said, "It
looks like me, but sounds like my mother." When I asked, “How is
she dressed?” the client burst out laughing: “She’s dressed like
Minnie Pearl from the Grand Ole Opry.”
You know this
woman will never again respond to her inner judge in the same
way. How could she? She’ll be picturing the words coming from a
sassy comedian wearing a big straw hat with a $1.98 price tag
hanging from the side!
