Coaching with the Enneagram
(from
Out of the Box: Coaching with the Enneagram)
Walter Frazier
was an innovative, idealistic leader. He held high standards for himself, his employees,
and the company, but he was losing people's respect because of angry tirades whenever he
was disappointed with the quality of someone's work. It would have been easy enough to
help Walter manage his anger. But Mary's questions ran deeper: Why did he feel so
much anger? How could she coach him to break out of the worldview that kept reinforcing his
perfectionism? When she led him to this deeper level, he learned how to interrupt the inner
patterns of processing information that made him angry. He became less harshly judgmental
and his underlying anger began to dissipate.
Mary was able to
help Walter accomplish this shift with her knowledge of the Enneagram.
This powerful coaching tool identifies nine different ways of viewing the world, each of
which has a common set of patterns. You, too, can coach people to grow beyond their
immediate requests ("resolve conflict with a colleague," "manage my time
better," "prove to my boss I'm ready for a promotion"), help them break
free of their habitual perspectives, and invoke long-term, profound change.
The Enneagram
points to a narrow focus of attention, each of the nine styles directed toward a few inward realities
that lead to convictions about how the world operates and how to act in it:
-
The gift of
style One is the ability to see and work toward
perfection. This has narrowed their focus of attention so they often see only what is
wrong, what needs fixing. The perfectionism of the One is driven by anger that rejects
anything less than the ideal of what should be.
-
The gift of
style Two is the ability to anticipate and tend
to others' needs. This narrowed focus on being helpful carries pride that disallows
acknowledging their own needs. If they're in the box, they aren't acting out of
consideration, they're making an emotional investment. If you don't reward that
investment, they can engage in emotional blackmail.
-
The gift of
style Three is the drive to succeed in attaining
a goal. This narrow focus of attention can become competitive striving that may rob them
of their souls. In-the-box Threes seek to earn love by performance and often become
workaholics. They try to meet the real or imagined expectations of others, especially when
defined in a role.
-
The gift of
style Four is a passion for creativity, emotional
depth, and a profound desire for authenticity. This narrow focus of attention brings up a
fear of being ordinary. In-the-box Fours get stuck in melancholy because they often feel
different from others. Behind this worldview is a quality of longing, feeling that
anything good is always unavailable.
-
The gift of
style Five is the ability to conceptualize and to
master knowledge. This narrow focus of attention can cause Fives to be emotionally remote
and socially awkward. In-the-box Fives can live so completely in their heads that they
wish to pay as little attention as possible to the physical side of life. They can be
reserved and intellectual, and tend to hoard their emotions, time, energy, and thoughts.
-
The gift of
style Six is loyalty. From this narrow focus of
attention, Sixes question their inner authority. They look to the group for security,
rules, and norms, yet, paradoxically, are often the ones to challenge authority. Commonly
referred to as fearful, in actuality they cannot stand being afraid. Consequently, they
focus on what could go wrong in order to take all the necessary precautions.
-
The gift of
style Seven is positive, energetic, upbeat
energy. Sevens love to generate ideas. From their focus of attention on pleasure, variety,
and novelty, they habitually over-schedule and have low tolerance for boredom or
discomfort. Since life has its ups and down, being driven to be cheerful can leave this
style a bit out of touch with the more negative portions of reality.
-
The gift of
style Eight is a natural confidence and ability
to take charge. With their narrow focus of attention, they claim power whether others like
it or not. In-the-box Eights are driven to excess. If some is good, more is better,
especially power. The thrill is in the hunt, however, so they are not necessarily
satisfied with what they get, and can stir things up just to spice up a situation.
-
The gift of
style Nine is in being calm, easy-going, and
understanding of divergent opinions. This narrow focus of attention leads them to avoid
conflict. They can see all sides, agree with all sides, and then either achieve consensus
or remain inactive, depending on their level of self-awareness. Anger is typically
suppressed. It has been said of some Nines that they "make molehills out of
mountains."
Breaking Out of
the Box:
With awareness
of their underlying motives and openness to significant shifts in their perspective, each
of the nine styles is capable of great contributions and gifts to organizations, to
relationships, and to society in general
For example, when Jane first contacted
Mary by e-mail, Mary was charmed by a visual clue
to the Five's low-profile style. Jane's inquiry was written in eight-point type!
Fives
polarize between retreating into their heads and taking external action. They grow when
they interrupt their habitual patterns and begin to move from thought to action. As they
do so, they become more confident and comfortable in social interactions.
Fives use time and space as boundaries to give themselves privacy and safety.
It's important to give them time to think things through, especially when you intend to
bring up issues they might find uncomfortable. Even though they cherish privacy, they can
come to a level of trust where they take emotional risks. They often have an unusual sense
of humor and may even be playful
Jane had been one of the most knowledgeable people in a field where advancing
technology had made it impossible to know everything. But as she worked to keep up with
the technology, she missed the political dimension. She didn't know about the people
involved in projects -- names, positions, and/or needs, which caused problems in
situations where the political dimension was important.
Mary
asked her, "What stops you from asking questions about the key players
when you need that information?"
After some thought, Jane said, "I guess I don't want to appear stupid for
having forgotten."
Mary wanted to interrupt Jane's habit of hoarding her thoughts -- but also
to respect her need for a little extra time. So she asked, "Will you do something
far out if I suggest it?"
"Yes..." (slowly,
from Jane)
"The next time this comes up, try
really hard to appear
stupid!"
They
both laughed at this suggestion, a signal that Jane had broken through
her usual intellectual response. At their next meeting Jane reported, "I found myself
feeling stupid. I simply noticed it and said, 'Oh, I'm feeling stupid' and decided to make
it happen more. That was great! It was empowering to actually cause it. I
realized I can't know everything all the time."
Transformed Fives become more generous. They become aware that they risk
appearing arrogant because of their bank of more and better information. We encourage them
to ask for feedback, for opinions, and even for more information before they give their
input. In a later coaching session Jane told Mary, "You suggested that I look for
things I don't understand and ask questions about them. I noticed I resisted asking
other people to clarify things, but I did it anyway and it didn't destroy my ego. I felt
more connected to the people I was talking to and they seemed to feel more acknowledged
for what they knew. In the past my ego said, 'I'm the only one who can know
something.' I felt better for giving them the gift of being able to shine."
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