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Attending:
Show interest. (Eye contact, facial responses, body
posture.)
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Acknowledging:
Use brief phrases that encourage the other to talk. ("Uh huh..." "Go on...")
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Specific, Concrete Feedback:
Describe recent, changeable behavior -- with examples. ("When you presented only your
successes at the planning session it seemed like boasting,
because we were also asked to identify issues to resolve.")
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Paraphrasing:
Repeat what you hear the other person say. ("Oh, so you interpreted the request
for 'issues' in a different way than I did.")
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Reflecting:
Describe what the other person appears to be feeling. ("You seem concerned about what I just
said.")
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Open-Ended Probing:
Encourage the other person to describe or amplify vs. "Yes"
or "No." ("How else might we approach this?")
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Building:
Give credit to the other person's ideas and build on them.
("I like your idea about touching base
before the next meeting. Let's match our travel schedules so
we don't forget.")
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Responding to Criticism:
Express agreement with a partial truth, possibility, or
principle; then probe. ("Perhaps I could have given you more
support in the meeting; what did you have in mind?")
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Authenticity: Reflect your own thoughts and feelings in a way that builds
a partnership. ("We haven't been working very well
together and I'd like to change that. Let's have lunch and
talk about it.")
