Out of
the Box Coaching and
Breakthroughs with the Enneagram,
Mary R. Bast, Ph.D.
Copyright © 1999.
All rights reserved. Revised:
July 09, 2010
BOUNDARIES™
Boundaries are imaginary lines we establish around ourselves to protect our souls, hearts and minds from the unhealthy or damaging behavior of others. It is recommended to extend your boundaries at least two or three times beyond where they are.
WHEN YOU HAVE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
- Fear diminishes significantly; trust is rarely an issue.
- Willing, healthy family members and true friends respect these.
- You (and they) start growing more emotionally and developmentally.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE WEAK
- You attract needy, disrespectful people into your life.
- You waste much energy in keeping life going.
THE 10 STEPS TO HAVING EXTENSIVE BOUNDARIES
- "Get" that you need to dramatically extend your boundaries.
- Be willing to educate others how to respect your new ones.
- Be relentless, yet not punitive, as you extend boundaries.
- Make a list of the 10 things that people may no longer do around you, do to you or say to you.
- Sit down with each person involved and share with them your process here; get an agreement to honor you.
- Require that every single person in your life is always unconditionally constructive in every single comment to you: No more digs, make-funs, deprecating remarks, criticisms, no matter what or who or the situation!
- Have and use a 4-step plan of action whenever someone violates your boundaries: Inform them what they are doing, Implore them to stop immediately, Require that they stop, Walk away without any snappy or get-even comments.
- Make a list of 10 ways you are violating others' boundaries.
- Stop violating the boundaries on that list.
- Reward, congratulate those who are respecting boundaries (including yourself).
© 1998 Coach U, Inc. All rights reserved. May not be duplicated, retransmitted or reproduced or used by anyone unless they are in Coach U, Inc.'s Coach Training Program.
Dr. Bast is affiliated with Coach U, which has a copyright on these materials.